kevin ruins lives

Well well well...what do we have here?

Kevin had to go and bring up my nemeses: The Doodlebops. And look what has happened-

"Mrs. Depp said...

well lookie here, if it isnt one ugly fugly moron. bahaha!

You know, I didnt look this up because im still on some doodlebop rampage against you. I actually just remembered about what you did to my friend. And LOOK! your STILL talking about the doodlebops. I really didnt expect that.

Man, are you like...one of those big german girls that serve pints of beer? If so, hook me up! :D

Heidi...hahahaha"

Wow, where do I start?

First, I'm honored to have a true fan of my blog. This girl must check back every day to read my incredibly intelligent, witty and thought-provoking blog posts. Thanks so much. Unfortunately she had to stumble across Kevin's comment to me and it sparked a fire. Apparently the mere mention of the Doodlebops makes her rush to defend her friend's honor, even if the comment was not directed toward her friend.

Second, I'm confused as to why she would assume that I am dressed as a German pub wench when it is painfully obvious that I am a pirate and I also mention pretty thoroughly that i went as a pirate. I have nothing against Bavarian beer-slinging maidens, but that's not what I went as. A more effective put-down would've been calling me a dirty Rennie.

So, Heidi, I would like to apologize for my friend and the fact that he reopened old wounds, but I can assure you...I will never dress as a Doodlebop. I'll leave that up to you and your friends.

i will never be amish

I finally have the internet again. it's only been a week but it felt like a lifetime. granted, i didn't miss anything important,but what the hell am i supposed to do when i get home from work when i don't have cable or the internet? I am completely addicted to technology. i know it's sad and the souls of hippies everywhere are shrieking but I just can't help it.

somebody kill me

we are moving tomorrow. I'm excited and stressed. not so much stressed actually, just weary. I will be without the internet for a week and it's making me angry. I won't know what to do with myself. I might actually have to do something productive like unpack. I'm going to go to sleep. I need to get up at 7 to pick up the uhaul.

Nothing will be as bad as having to move Jenny out of Brooklyn in an afternoon during a rainstorm while her junkie roommates were out. That was a nightmare.

A Pirate's Life for Me....HUZZAHHHHH!

My boss and I went to the Ren Faire in Gig Harbor yesterday. I was excited to go because I never get to do anything fun anymore. I always spend my days off on my couch or running errands. She let me borrow some of her garb and we drove over early to spend a day melting in the hot sun, drinking, singing, sweating, and acting like an ass.

At the faires she goes by the name of Commodore Fox and she has many ships in her fleet. The one that I am now quarter master of is the Black Widow; and now my name is Keel Haul Kate. I was a bit wary of hanging out with Rennies all day but it ended up being so much fun. If I ever got into it I don't know if I would want to be a pirate, maybe a wench or something. Or a crazy old fortune teller type woman or something. Amanda also has another persona where she plays a barbarian. She goes all out with her garb though. She spares no expense and we were the best dressed pirates at the faire.


That's a real dagger in my corset.

We walked in at about 11 and did the rounds before heading off to the pub. Amanda was not only my designated driver but also bought all the booze and it was great. I got two pints of stout and had some mead and some Cuban Rum that Amanda snuck in. We met this group of crazy lesbians who adored us and kept taking our pictures. One of them went by the name of Mistess Mary and she was a professional dominatrix and claimed she has a dungeon.

While in the pub Captain Splinter and his crew stormed in a put on this funny ass show where they sang all of these hilarious pirate songs. He told me I had nice teeth and therefore couldn't be a true pirate. We were playing this drinking game called Buffalo where you can only hold your drink in your left hand. He busted me and I had to drink a whole cup of mead.



Amanda informed me that the one thing that really makes her blood boil is seeing people wearing wings at the faire. There were many a "goth faeiry" and let me tell you something: those girls are either very underweight or very overweight, there is no inbetween.

An old man told us that he would hang us for trying to charge a toll on his bridge and then we made some rude comment back to him about being "well hung." We tried to steal some favors from the royal women who were left alone in their camp and we ended the day chatting with 3 Barbarians who were very drunk and we made them "Step and Fetch" us all sorts of things.



In the end I only ate some fries and coleslaw because there were no Tofurky legs. I was pretty starved so Amanda and I stopped at Taco Time on the way home and pigged out. It was fun and I must say I will have to go back with her next year. And Ann- it was not easy to pee with all of that stuff on, especially in a portapotty. Did you know they had portapotties in Medeival times? And shaved ice, and corn dogs...at the corn doggery!

The Canadian Tuxedo

I was just pondering the fashion choices of many Americans and our friendly neighbors to the North. Why do people not understand that you simply cannot wear a jean jacket while wearing jeans???

I don't care if they are the same shade of denim or even made by the same company, you simply cannot do this. It's inexcusable.

You've been warned, I never want to witness this.

Your secret life.

My manager and I were have a conversation the other day about what we don't want our employees to know about us. She won't connect to anyone on myspace from our work because she has all of her crazy photos from the Ren Faires that she goes to. I understand because I wouldn't want our staff to see me acting like a drunken pirate either. But my myspace profile is boring and nothing is that damning on there. However, I would never let anyone know about this blog. I would be mortified.

So here's the question: what are you hiding from your coworkers/subordinates?

the future is now

You've already lasted longer than them.

Raise your hand if you thought that life would be better as a grown up? I couldn't wait to be older. I would dream of it all the time. I couldn't wait to drive, be 18, be 21, graduate college. But why, for what? I look at Jack and his life is so easy. The hardest thing he has to deal with is not being able get what he wants all the time and he can't commmunicate his desires very well, but that's it.

Looking at the pictures of Shirl's wedding made me realize just how grown up all of us are. It does have it's upside. I don't have to live with my parents, I'm smarter, but I also have a crapload of bills and responsibility and I can't always do what i want anymore.

Plus it also means that I can't live near all of my friends. although it's impractical and expensive to raise a family in New York, sometimes I wish I was really wealthy so that i could either live there or visit frequently. I like it here too, but a place is only as good as the people you get to enjoy it with. Thinking back to fun, old memories of college is great, but I want new memories that feature those same faces.

I want to live in a big hippy commune with all of us where Kevin steals everyone's milk, Ann's always asleep or masturbating, Shirl's always cleaning, Pete's always on the computer, Leah is being pessimistic and Sarah is out for a jog. I know that's nonsense but it's a nice little dream to have.

anyhow, much love and happiness to Shirl and Steve. I'm very sad that you opted out of having Elvis at your wedding like I did but it still looked beautiful. When you guys get tired of the city and want to try life on the better coast, you know where to find me.

who's buying this? Ann? Kevin? Jenny?

Lightning Crashes | Live
02 Champagne Supernova | Oasis
03 If You Could Only See | Tonic
04 Glycerine | Bush
05 Doll Parts | Hole
06 Santeria | Sublime
07 Hemorrhage (In My Hands) | Fuel
08 A Long December | Counting Crows
09 Counting Blue Cars | Dishwalla
10 Linger | Cranberries
11 Hanging By A Moment | Lifehouse
12 Runaway Train | Soul Asylum
13 Til I Hear It From You | Gin Blossoms
14 Here's To The Night | Eve 6
15 What Do I Have To Do? | Stabbing Westward
16 Out of My Head | Fastball

Disc 2
01 It's Been Awhile | Staind
02 Jumper | Third Eye Blind
03 Wasting My Time | Default
04 Everything You Want | Vertical Horizon
05 Sex And Candy | Marcy Playground
06 Far Behind | Candlebox
07 The Freshmen | The Verve Pipe
08 Take A Picture | Filter
09 What It's Like | Everlast
10 Something's Always Wrong | Toad The Wet Sprocket
11 World I Know | Collective Soul
12 Desperately Wanting | Better Than Ezra
13 Angry Johnny | Poe
14 Save Me | Remy Zero
15 Easy | Faith No More
16 Smells Like Teen Spirit | Tori Amos

I keep seeing commercials for this CD box set. As you can see from the playlist above it's about 95% horrendous. However I can see reason for some of you to buy this. Jenny and Kevin: as you can see "Jumper" is on disc 2. You guys can drunkenly rock out to this song while doing your hand gestures that correlate to the lyrics. Ann: "Can JEW only take my picture" is song 8 on disc 2. Ryan I'm sure there's something on here that would appeal to you as well. So if anyone buys this please report back.