Don't come a knockin' if the van's a rockin'
It's official, I am a mom. I know you are thinking, "Of course she is, she popped that cute little bastard out a year ago."
No, no, no. You people should know by now that having a baby does not make you a mom. Having a minivan makes you a mom.
Yesterday Collin and I went out and got ourselves a minivan. We think I should get a giant "MILF" decal for the enormous back window. You may scoff, be my guest, but let me tell you something---minivans are much cooler than one may think. I've been in a minivan but never drove one before. They rock. You could freakin' camp out in them if you had to, there is so much room in there.
So I've got the husband in the military, the kid, the dog, the minivan, Walmart...all I need left is a big, ostentatious american flag for the front of my house and I'd be living the american dream.
Oh god, who have I become???? I need a cocktail and a bisexual orgy. Stat!
posted by Erika at 9:44 PM
3 Comments:
Oh, Erika. No matter what your marital status, who comes out of your coochie coo or what car you drive, you'll still be the girl I talked to into the wee hours of the night at Hoffman. My dirty, dirty centaur...
8:09 AM
oh ann, that's so sweet. You'll always be that girl I lived with who used a fan in the middle of winter, who constantly rearranged the furniture and whose boobs are the softest in the world.
8:35 PM
Welcome to the club. I secretly love my minivan and wish we'd bought one sooner. I like driving it much better than any car I've ever had...and the storage capacity...you can carry all of your hurricane supplies, the kitchen sink, a few dead bodies (bodies of other minivan drivers who piss me off in traffic because minivan typically equals asshole driver)...
I even opted for one of those child zombie entertainment packages to indoctrinate her with the likes of Barney & Big Bird while we're driving to the grandparents. I swore I'd never (and made fun of people who had them)...but then I suddenly had to have one.
Minivans rock! Shhh...don't tell anyone.
5:25 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home