jesus gave me my birthday present early

I cannot believe it!! I don't know what is better: that I no longer look more appealing than Britney Spears or that she is finally coming to her senses and ditching Kfed.

A year ago I swear i had a better body than Britters. But that shouldn't happen because she's a bigillionaire and I'm not and although we both like to pig out she can hire a personal trainer that will handcuff her to a treadmill for 2 hours while I just ruminate on the couch watching "Unwrapped."

She looks fantastic and I pray to all that is holy that her next album is good. I want it to be so slutty and pornographic and I want her to look even trashier than XTina in her assless chaps. I want her to come out and say that Kevin is a lazy ass pothead with B.O. who has absolutely zero talent.

Perhaps i shouldn't ask for too much just yet. I'll just savor this while I can.