Lesbian Baker with a Hole in Her Head

Ok, so the last 2 days have been more exhausting than when I was in labor, or at least it seems that way. I now have 3 jobs (well 3 paying jobs, since moms only get paid in diapers and drool). I still work at the bank, i also have my ebay business/website (www.TrendsDowntown.com), and now i'm a lesbian baker.

I know you're thinking, "We always had our suspicions about her being gay, but we didn't know she could bake too!"

Actually I'm a baker at this place called Shari's which is like a Denny's, Coco's, Perkin's, etc. And Collin decided that I needed steel toe boots in case i drop a box full of cinnamon rolls or a sharp knife on my foot. So i now have these massive, construction-worker style boots that i wear when i go in to work. And, as much as I feel bad about buying into stereotypes, it really does look like I'm on my way to pick up my girlfriend to go to a poetry slam and an Indigo Girls concert.

So I worked there today and yesterday. But today I had to get up and work at the bank and then I had to get a cavity filled and then i had to run home and change into the boots so i could bake some gay pies and cookies. I'd like to add that in between these events I only had an hour to eat, change, relax for a second and feed jack. And since I'm still breastfeeding, I am totally unable to do anything else while he's eating because i'm just sort of stuck on the couch.

I did find out, however, that the mercury levels in the silver fillings isn't high enough to make me crazy, which is good because I've had 4 cavities filled in the last month and they are cheaper than the tooth-colored ones. And me being broke trumps my desire to not go insane from mercury poisoning.

I just hope someday when I a bigillionaire with gold teeth that I can look back on this time and think, "How did I work all of those jobs? It's so much nicer out here on this yacht!" And just as I'm taking another sip of my Cristal the world will explode and it will be all for nought.

So, because of these jobs, I took inventory of all the jobs I've done in my life so far. I'd also like to make mention that the 3 jobs I currently hold do not require the degree I spent 4 years getting. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I went to college was to abuse drugs, perfect my procrastination skills, and travel to different countries with my friends---to abuse more drugs. Here are my jobs (in no particular order):
barista (I've done this one numerous times)
baker
waitress
host
Ram Van driver
High school teacher
bank teller
ebay seller
tutor
film usher
theater box office person
theater concession stand person
tuxedo rental girl

I'm sure there are more but I'm too tired to even breathe anymore.